Ripley's Haircut: Foreshadowing Requiem and the Great Recession?
-Bloo-, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
Hey listen, I was discussing the little nuances of Ripley's character throughout the movies with my dog who doesn't give enough of a shit about anything, but then he noticed that Ripley's hair gets shorter with every movie. Then he knocked over my coffee, which spilled onto an old newspaper clipping I have about George Clooney, which made me think of Up in the Air, which made me think of the Great Recession in the U.S. Then it hit me: The Alien saga is a metaphor for the economy.
Whenever I get money, my dick seems to grow at least 19 centimeters. Whenever I don't get money, my hair grows shorter. This is a scientific fact based on other scientific facts, like astronomy and - fuck, ahhh - string theory, because hair is like string, and it travels along your head while it grows, and I don't actually know what string theory is but it has fucking something to do with space, and humans live in space-- well, we don't really live in space, but we live on a planet that's in space, and MONEY, OH YEAH.
So Ripley's hair gets shorter with every movie and I'm convinced every director up to that point had a big meeting in 1978 and were like "Listen, I don't care about all that other stuff. I don't. I don't care. I don't care at all. Let's let the other guys make that stuff up. What I'm really here for is -
"Ahhh. Hot. But what would be even better is if she had less hair in every movie until she fulfilled my fetish for bald women. We can even add, like, symbolism and shit."
"HOLY FUCK RIDLEY SCOTT THAT'S INCREDIBLE."
"Thank you, James Cameron, director of movies."
"I think that's great too."
"Thanks, guy who doesn't put Alien 3 on his resume."
That's the thing, though - what is that symbolism? Well, I think it's the economy. Like, economics. It's about money.
Thoughts?
Whenever I get money, my dick seems to grow at least 19 centimeters. Whenever I don't get money, my hair grows shorter. This is a scientific fact based on other scientific facts, like astronomy and - fuck, ahhh - string theory, because hair is like string, and it travels along your head while it grows, and I don't actually know what string theory is but it has fucking something to do with space, and humans live in space-- well, we don't really live in space, but we live on a planet that's in space, and MONEY, OH YEAH.
So Ripley's hair gets shorter with every movie and I'm convinced every director up to that point had a big meeting in 1978 and were like "Listen, I don't care about all that other stuff. I don't. I don't care. I don't care at all. Let's let the other guys make that stuff up. What I'm really here for is -
"Ahhh. Hot. But what would be even better is if she had less hair in every movie until she fulfilled my fetish for bald women. We can even add, like, symbolism and shit."
"HOLY FUCK RIDLEY SCOTT THAT'S INCREDIBLE."
"Thank you, James Cameron, director of movies."
"I think that's great too."
"Thanks, guy who doesn't put Alien 3 on his resume."
That's the thing, though - what is that symbolism? Well, I think it's the economy. Like, economics. It's about money.
Thoughts?
-Bloo-, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
Oh, and also, with each movie where Ripley's hair gets shorter, the overall quality of the films seems to get shittier, which is definitely foreshadowing AVP Requiem.
DeathWraith, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
I don't know, I don't think string theory is canon.
Deathdrop, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
U WOT M8
EDIT: I'LL BUST OUT MY THEORY ABOUT HOW THE FIRST AVP MOVIE IS ABOUT THE CONFLICTING APOLLONIAN AND DIONYSIAN IMPULSES IN THE HUMAN UNCONSCIOUS AND HOW REGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVE POWER STRUCTURES WILL ULTIMATELY FAIL BECAUSE THEIR OBSESSION WITH STOMPING OUT QUEERNESS AND DISSENT ULTIMATELY DERIVES FROM SELF-LOATHING RENDERING THEIR "COMBAT" INHERENTLY SELF-DEFEATING. I'M NOT FUCKIN ABOT M8
DO YOU WANT THAT? DO YOU????
EDIT: I'LL BUST OUT MY THEORY ABOUT HOW THE FIRST AVP MOVIE IS ABOUT THE CONFLICTING APOLLONIAN AND DIONYSIAN IMPULSES IN THE HUMAN UNCONSCIOUS AND HOW REGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVE POWER STRUCTURES WILL ULTIMATELY FAIL BECAUSE THEIR OBSESSION WITH STOMPING OUT QUEERNESS AND DISSENT ULTIMATELY DERIVES FROM SELF-LOATHING RENDERING THEIR "COMBAT" INHERENTLY SELF-DEFEATING. I'M NOT FUCKIN ABOT M8
DO YOU WANT THAT? DO YOU????
-Bloo-, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
String theory was confirmed canon in the light novel Aliens: The Hish: Another Hish: The Newborn Reborn! Part 6.3, the second story in the fifteenth collection of Aliens-related stories offered in McDonald's Happy Meal toys in 1986 that were promoting James Cameron. Not Aliens, just James Cameron. Honestly, if you don't know that much, you should just stop calling yourself an Alien fan and go jack off to nude Terminators.
@DD: While Ripley's hair represents the downfall of the U.S. economy, the Aliens themselves represent both communism and capitalism at the same time. Aliens glorifies the greatness of all the correct Republican views, like how being gay is pretty much the same thing as wanting to fuck your own mom but she doesn't love you so she lets space murder you in the worst way possible all while you're both in a bad Joss Whedon movie. This was confirmed in the redux script for Alien. Your theory holds no ground and you should just stop calling yourself an Alien fan and go jack off to nude Terminators.
@DD: While Ripley's hair represents the downfall of the U.S. economy, the Aliens themselves represent both communism and capitalism at the same time. Aliens glorifies the greatness of all the correct Republican views, like how being gay is pretty much the same thing as wanting to fuck your own mom but she doesn't love you so she lets space murder you in the worst way possible all while you're both in a bad Joss Whedon movie. This was confirmed in the redux script for Alien. Your theory holds no ground and you should just stop calling yourself an Alien fan and go jack off to nude Terminators.
Deathdrop, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
But I already jack off to nude terminators...
DeathWraith, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
What are you talking about, Terminators aren't even in the same universe LOL.
Anyway, string theory is the theory that every possible definition of the word "string" actually describes everything that has ever existed, at the same time. Everything is wavy, everything is knotty, everything is made of lines of information, everything can be fashioned into clothes and so on. The problem with this theory is, of course, acid. You can't make acid into clothes, AT ALL! You can see string theory in action in AvP when Lex uses a xenomorph's head as a glove - this is to show that Predator technology is so advanced because they have solved the problem of string theory and acid. But then why does the acid still hurt predators?? Because string theory is actually wrong! This is actually my personal theory based on all the movies, novels, comics and toys, but I think that if you look closely, you can notice predators wearing some sort of a net. I call this the "net theory". The theory is that all matter is actually a net and that is why the predators wear a net, to show that they are the supreme hunter, they control everything that matters. This is why, once a xenomorph became marked with the net, he became Net Alien and the predators feared him and their fear was their demise. Furthermore, in AvP:R, whom does the predalien resemble? That's right, Anette Olzon. Anette. A net. See the connection? Anette Olzon replaced Tarja Turunen as the main vocalist of Nightwish. Tarja Turunen is Finnish. Finnish people are also called Finns. Fins. Hmmm. Fish have fins. What do you catch fish with? A net. Do you understand now? Not to mention that Anette is Swedish and the main religion in Sweden is Islam, so AvP:R basically predicted 9/11. This is why I say that I'm not sure about string theory being canon. I think it's just a placeholder and we are awaiting the transition to all-out net theory.
Anyway, string theory is the theory that every possible definition of the word "string" actually describes everything that has ever existed, at the same time. Everything is wavy, everything is knotty, everything is made of lines of information, everything can be fashioned into clothes and so on. The problem with this theory is, of course, acid. You can't make acid into clothes, AT ALL! You can see string theory in action in AvP when Lex uses a xenomorph's head as a glove - this is to show that Predator technology is so advanced because they have solved the problem of string theory and acid. But then why does the acid still hurt predators?? Because string theory is actually wrong! This is actually my personal theory based on all the movies, novels, comics and toys, but I think that if you look closely, you can notice predators wearing some sort of a net. I call this the "net theory". The theory is that all matter is actually a net and that is why the predators wear a net, to show that they are the supreme hunter, they control everything that matters. This is why, once a xenomorph became marked with the net, he became Net Alien and the predators feared him and their fear was their demise. Furthermore, in AvP:R, whom does the predalien resemble? That's right, Anette Olzon. Anette. A net. See the connection? Anette Olzon replaced Tarja Turunen as the main vocalist of Nightwish. Tarja Turunen is Finnish. Finnish people are also called Finns. Fins. Hmmm. Fish have fins. What do you catch fish with? A net. Do you understand now? Not to mention that Anette is Swedish and the main religion in Sweden is Islam, so AvP:R basically predicted 9/11. This is why I say that I'm not sure about string theory being canon. I think it's just a placeholder and we are awaiting the transition to all-out net theory.
-Bloo-, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
@DD: But can you prove that for sure? Have you read every film novelization front and backwards 18 times with your hands tied behind your back and your eyes gouged out like I have? How do you know you've always been jacking off to nude Terminators and that it's not just your theory? If you actually watched Alien: Resurrection and not just claimed to have watched it like 90% of Final Fantasy fans have "played" Final Fantasy 7, then you'll know that you weren't actually jacking off to nude Terminators, you were actually just watching a really bad movie. And that "terminator" you're so fond of? That's your air conditioner. It's a fan. You're "jacking off" to a fan. You should be ashamed of yourself. And I'd tell you to go fuck yourself with that theory, but you already are; your theory is literally fanwank. Disgusting.
@DW: FUCK. FUCK GODDAMMIT!!!! HOW COULD I FORGET THAT.
Jesus. And that bit about 9/11? That's a hell of a mystery that no one thought was a mystery and didn't even really need solving, but damn if it didn't just get solved, so... nice work.
@DW: FUCK. FUCK GODDAMMIT!!!! HOW COULD I FORGET THAT.
Jesus. And that bit about 9/11? That's a hell of a mystery that no one thought was a mystery and didn't even really need solving, but damn if it didn't just get solved, so... nice work.
FireHunter, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
Something tells me that any other group of members couldn't get away with this thread!
But I'm not a party pooper, so continue.
Also fuck you I like Alien 3!
But I'm not a party pooper, so continue.
Also fuck you I like Alien 3!
Dronehive, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
Guys
What if
Ellen
Is that one chick in Ghostbusters
So she has powers and the alien is THAT ONE dude who turned into the baby
And theyr the same movie
And theyr making a new alien movie but only 2 alien movies are canon
So theyre makin
A NEW GHOSTBUSTERS
What if
Ellen
Is that one chick in Ghostbusters
So she has powers and the alien is THAT ONE dude who turned into the baby
And theyr the same movie
And theyr making a new alien movie but only 2 alien movies are canon
So theyre makin
A NEW GHOSTBUSTERS
DeathWraith, Xenomorph, 9 years ago
Shit, wait a minute.
Ripley's haircut forshadowing Requiem?
Requiem predicted 9/11?
?????
Ripley's haircut did 9/11!
Ripley's haircut forshadowing Requiem?
Requiem predicted 9/11?
?????
Ripley's haircut did 9/11!
tawganator, Xenomorph, 8 years ago
Ah bloo I've missed you and your crazy craziness that makes no sense except for the times and/or parts that it does. As for my thoughts I'm going to have to say "hmm".