Deathdrop,
Yautja,
14 years ago
You are wrong. Crabs DO in fact grow on trees. These are crab trees, and they are from the age of dinosaurs, when man did not yet exist. Women did though, but they couldn't have kids, and therefore couldn't continue the species. As a result, they went extinct.
LITTLE DID THEY KNOW!
The crabs were intelligent. They came down from their brilliant crab trees to clone the women, and to create new women with penises who they called men.
And so it was that man and woman would fuck and fill the world with loud, annoying children. The crabs, however, did not expect high tide to come in, and were washed out to sea.
It is a little known fact that salt water makes animals stupid. You don't know this because you have been indoctrinated by the Liberal and/or Conservative media.
The only crabs to escape this horrible fate were the pubic "lice" that live in people's... pubes.
They got confused because they thought pubic hair looked like the hair on our heads, and so they assumed our genitals were where our brains were.
They are attempting to pilot us to the crab trees so that they might regain their power and raise their crabby legions from the briny deep and return to their home of Europa.
So you see, if you want to help the poor little scamps, the only way is to find the crab trees and rub your pubes all over them.
Unfortunately, the crab trees are few, and being guarded underground by the Brotherhood of Overall Shitty People. This evil cult is led by the Evil himself, Cyberhitler.
Brothers and Sisters... WE MUST FREE THE CRABS.
EDIT: This is kind of unrelated to the story above, but I just puked a bit of my Taco Bell burrito into the trash can. I got up to wash my mouth out, and the little bit of burrito puke was gone when I came back
This suggests it's alive, which is troubling.