Deathdrop,
Yautja,
11 years ago
I hate people who hate people, which means I hate myself for hating myself. The penalty for being hated by me is to get fisted, which means I'm going to need to dislocate my shoulder to get this done.
EDIT: And yes, I do hunt down and fist everyone I hate. Osama Bin Laden? I jammed my fist so far up that bastard's ass that it became permanently embedded somewhere in his colon. He's still attached, in fact. The other terrorists threw him out for having some smelly white guy's hand up his ass, and the US Government realized the scientific knowledge that could be gained from studying a living breathing sock puppet.
Seal Team Six attached the colostomy bag so he wouldn't shit on my hand. It was pretty stupid of me to use my good hand, in retrospect, but I just zap him with a cattle-prod every time I need something typed. I get a lot more video games in this way.
Say hi, Osama.
OH GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
No, but I should be nice or he'll pop the bag all over this new shag carpeting I've just had put in. You're probably wondering why no one notices that I've got my had up a former terrorist's ass. We've disguised him, you see. I sex change and a facelift can work wonders. This way, it only looks like I have my fist up a transexual homeless person's ass, which is far mroe esaily explainable.
WATCH THE SPELLING, YOU HAIRY FUCK.
I also had a third arm implanted on him so that I could continue my righteous policy of hate-fisting. I can't use my hand, but by God I can use A hand. Big O's third fist went right up Kim Jon Il's ass without delay. Then we used Lil Kim's hand to fist the leader of a skinhead gang at the local prison, whose fist was in turn used to fist Simon Cowell.
The problem is, I know have a giant fisting centipede 12 douchebags long. I'm going to have a sub-dimension built to store all the fisted douchebags, but that's not the point, is it?
No.
The point, dear reader, is that Tom Six stole the "Human Centipede" idea from me, goddamnit. Oh, he changed enough details to get a way with it, but as soon as I figure out how to pick up a phone I'm gonna call a lawyer and sue his ass for all it's worth.
The problem with that, though, is that I need to hate-fist myself because I hate myself... I only have one remaining hand, you guys, and Pupitar is almost at level 60. For real.
So I;m trying to stop hating, but the weight of all these fisted douchebags is crushing my torso and causing my shoulder to dislocate AND MY FIST MOVES EVER CLOSER TO MY ASS!
MUST... RESIST... SELF-FISTING...
If only there were some magical device that could remove all this giant fistipede of douches from my hand, but I can't get up and I can't reach anything and Hitler ghost is throat-fucking my scrabble board OH SWEET JESUS GET THEM OFF.
Huh? They're gone. My hand is free! The douchebags are gone and I don't hate myself anymore! In the end, I guess I didn't need some magical spell or artifact to free my hand from it's poopy confinement...
I guess the magic was inside me all along.