Really Bloo? I knew this guy once too, maybe it is the same guy we both knew once?

It was me. I am that guy. I'm a tree vampire, meaning I climb up trees and hump them to gain their powers. It's hard work (ha), but it's honest.

How does one become a tree vampire?

Edit: It probably sounds really gay, since I would imagine it involves sucking and wood.

It's not gay at all. If you're male, it just requires you to SUCK PENISES. That's right, all you have to do is perform MANY BLOW JOBS. Just EAT THAT DICK RAW. WANG BANG those TESTICLES up your ASS.

To begin, just stand in front of a mirror while chanting "NO HOMO" three times.

Edit: Pouncing on unsuspecting gays from tall trees is how DD got his forum name, you know.

I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE.

Phew, I'm glad you said there is no homo involved Bloo, now I will just have to find some dicks to suck and my masculinity and heterosexuality will be undeniably existent. LETS SUCK SOME RAW DICK! :D

Also, I now realize why people make fun of me for playing every game, reading every book and seeing every movie later than everyone else. I just watched 300 for the first time ever. I also find DD's rage towards it easily justifiable, though it did have some good lines and is incredibly quotable.

I'm still floored that they made a second one.

Raw dick sounds like something you could eat in Japan.

Sounds like something I EAT every time I

Went to get a drink, can't remember. I leave it t the rest of you to finish the story, because I am a very stupid person.

My only rule is that it involve Galactus. GO!

"Sounds like something I EAT every time I Galactus"

Did I do good?

Aslo, speaking of penises, I was watching this and my penis suddenly started constricting my neck and crying.

EDIT: The more I watch, the tighter it gets. And it keeps crying. At least suffocating will keep me from drowning.

EDIT2: I'm dead. Only my penis lives. It now wears a silly helmet and feeds on planets. Thanks, video.

well, on the less "weird" side.....




it sounds like "raw PINGASH" is on of the worst meals ever.....

i ate on yesterday...

Dude, "on" and "one" are, like, three different words.

Well, that's just like, your opinion, man.

I don't like surveyors, the come onto your property without permission and expect not be growled at by the humans and to not be shot at by the dog, ridiculousness!

Also DD, what don't you like about 300? This is what I didn't like about it.

1. Washed out colors the entire motherfucking movie.

2. Really shitty CG animals, I mean come on really? It was 2006 when it came out, poor form.

3. It felt more like an embellished story than a real account, which I guess was the point.

4. Faramir should stick to being either Boromir's little brother or Van Helsing's sidekick.

5. Shitty blood splattering.

6. To quote you "NEEDS MOAR TITS".

7. Way too much unnecessary man ass.

8. The 300-ish Spartans fought way more people in reality than in the movie. LAME.

9. The Epic Rap Battle between Leonidas and The Master Chief was far more enjoyable than the movie.

10. Xerxes army looked like it had ninja orcs, man-trolls and weird Skaven looking abominations in it.

Oh, boy, you're gonna regret getting me on this subject... I havn't seen the second (nor will I), but as for the first one, wow, let's see:

1. Ugly-looking CGI in literally every shot, making the entire movie look like Shrek took a shit. The blood is CGI. The sets are CGI. The fucking ACTORS are digitally altered. There's no reality to the movies at all, and yet it proposes to be about something as bloody and visceral and tactile as military combat.

2. Completely uninteresting fight scenes. Oh, look, they're stabbing those guys. WAIT, HERE COME SOME MORE POWERFUL GUYS oh wait, no, they stabbed them, too. Immortal ninja dudes? Stab. Elephants? Stab. 8 foot goblin dudes? Stab. There were one or two interesting strategic moves, but overall it was just slash/stab/repeat.

3. Typical macho "war is fuckin' cool, BRO" narrative. Tries to portray a bunch of people dying as something other than a bunch of people dying. I realize this applies to every action movie ever made, but if you're going to beat us over the head with how important the conflict is and have said conflict take up 90% of the film, you'd better portray it AS a conflict and not a game of Dynasty Warriors.

4. "Overuse" of slow-mo doesn't even begin to cover it. Play the whole movie regular speed, and it's about 12 minutes long.

5. Supposed "heroes" of the piece are fucking scumbags. Sparta was a monarchy full of militaristic, slave-owning, child molesting, hyper-aggressive sociopaths who played A role (not THE role) in driving back the Persians. The film tries to clean them up by making them some kind of weird 'Murika stand-in, eliminates the child molesting and slavery, portrays them as noble warriors... But leaves in the bit about the horrific eugenics routine where the "impure" are tossed off a fucking cliff, AND DEFENDS IT. I was just floored by this.

6. It paved the way for Immortals, Sucker Punch, Man of Steel, the mediocre Clash of the Titans remake, and a host of other cinematic shit-stains... But mostly Man of Steel.

7. It was clearly intended to play to nationalistic dudebro assholes who say "faggot" in place of "um" and is rife with creepy Triumph of the Will-esque imagery. It portrays a world where middle easterners and gays and blacks try to take 'ur jeeuuuuuerbs, so the badass Aryan supermen have to go fuckin' kill em' and shit, bro, and it's glorious and beautiful instead of terrifying and bloody. It is literally everything I hate about modern America distilled into one two hour abomination.

A few years later, Zack Snyder would inject this same disgusting attitude into Superman, resulting in the only film I have ever walked out of. Fuck 300.


tl;dr: I didn't care for it.

Good thing we're not gonna have an argument about this, because I disagree with at least 100% of that.

I find myself agreeing with DD as all his points seem valid to me. Especially the slow motion bit.

I can enjoy movies that others hate for one reason or another. No matter how much the movie hurts. It could be something like Daredevil or AvP or even The Village. The trick is not minding that it hurts.

That's a pretty good attitude to look at things with Tawg.

Sometimes I wish I had, like, a hammer. And then I remember that I do.