THE real Xenomorph History (Viwer Disgrtion adivsed.)

The Xenomorph is a type of alien that exists solely to kill you. This is not paranoia talking. THE XENOMORPH WANTS TO KILL YOU! And possibly eat you. But no human has ever lived long enough to find out what happens to their slain comrades. No matter how cleverly you think you hide yourself, a Xenomorph can always find you. They have a F**king third eye in the middle of their back, for serious (or it might be their only eye, I don't know, I'm kind of wasted). But anyway; although no human knows what happens after a Xenomorph has concluded one killing spree, there have been several well-documented cases, by monkeys, of kittens befriending Xenomorphs and their little Alien counterparts, and have been known to delve into the Xenomorph culture.
A kitten participating in a Xenomorph rite of initiation.Only the Kittens know the TRUE truth behind the scary Xenomorphs. However, thanks to important surviving documentaries such as Alien vs. Predator, some information can be pieced together about these terrifying creatures (although 99.9% of all remotely rational people agree that Xenomorphs are scarier than their psychotic exes' mother-in-laws and would really rather pretend they didn't exist at all).

Habitat
Xenomorphs have been known to inhabit barren, seemingly lifeless alien planets, obscure reaches of outer space, and even temples beneath the surface of the earth, possibly beamed down or built by the Xenomorphs' rivals the Predators during a time when supposedly Antarctica would not turn one's blue in .000005 seconds running around with barely any clothing and people actually lived there, to be used as a hunting ground for sport. (When this knowledge became widespread, several organizations were founded to save the Xenomorphs. The Xenomorphs, however, proved there was no need for such organizations by killing every tree-hugging vegan hippie that was sent their way; they never stood a chance, really.) In this day and age most Xenomorphs can be found living under kitchen sinks, in children's closets, and wedged inside home ventilation systems. It's only a matter of time before the attacks begin...

Developmental Stages
When a mommy Xenomorph Queen loves herself VERY MUCH (and "herself" is used because it appears no fertilization or sexual processes are required for reproduction), eggs containing Aliens are layed. Under the right circumstances, the eggs hatch and the little Alien F**kers immediately launch out and latch onto the face of the nearest life source (humeem to be the optimal targets for this event). After raping the poor host's face and knocking it up with an Alien egg, the Alien dies and detaches from the face of the victim. The host goes about its activities as usual until suddenly the scary little snake-like Chestburster Alien pops out of the oven after 35 minutes at 375 degrees, or after a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. The slimy, bloody Chestburster Alien (technically a baby Xenomorph proper) slithers off to grow into the terrifying killing machine known as the Xenomorph (the entire process takes less than twenty-four hours).