Darklioness, you're being silly. Dragons are not cooler than dinosaurs. Everybody knows that.

You've inadvertently led us right back into religion with the salsa bit. Don't know you why no one believed in dragons back then?

What does salsa have to do with religion exactly?

A long time ago, Mexicans roamed the earth as the original Native Americans. They resided in East L.A. and many of them drove tricked out trucks. Many of them were reluctant to show foreigners their super secret authentic Mexican dinners, but one day a man named Jesus from Europe or something stopped by and promised to show salvation if they showed him salvation, if you catch my drift. (Unfortunately sex hadn't been invented yet, so even I don't know what I'm talking about.)

Anyway, wanting to know why Jesus was made of wine but not wanting to give up their fiesta explosion, they hatched a plan to trick Jesus into thinking he was eating real Mexican food by creating the first Taco Bell. Of course, Jesus, being Jesus, knew that they were absolutely full of shit and condemned them to the dark ages of Mexico by buying California from them and spreading Taco Bell across the nation.

To get back at Jesus, who was also a baby at the time, they created the first Mexican Jesus, who unfortunately would only talk about the bad homosexuals in his Walmart franchise instead of doing any actual work. Jesus, taking none of that shit, replaced all in-store Taco Bells with McDonald's, and also kicked Mexican Jesus out of his club.

But East L.A. wouldn't stop at that. They knew Jesus was taking a family vacation to the cave he was born in, and so they did the rational thing and placed a shit ton of dragons in it. At this point they would only have to wait until Jesus would face the dragons and be made fun of by them because dragons don't like babies very much.

However, unknown to them, Jesus was the first Dragonborn and proceeded to kick the everloving shit out of everyone in the cave, even his parents, because everyone in the cave looked like a dragon. Here's an excerpt:

"And, lo, suddenly there came forth from the cave many dragons; and when the children saw them, they cried out in great terror. Then Jesus went down from the bosom of His mother, and stood on His feet before the dragons; and they adored Jesus, and thereafter retired."

Of course, they left out the part where the main boss dragon fought back, at which Jesus, with his tiny little baby mouth, protested, "But thou must be mistak'n - I can'st be acquaintances with such an imaginary lizard blumpkin!"

To which the main final boss dragon replied, "But Jesus, thou are a dragon!"

And then Jesus was a dragon.

And in that moment, I swear we were all dragons. Which is why no one believes in them anymore, I guess.

Later that night, Mexican Jesus, after being kicked out of his apartment, walked into Jesus' bitchin' pad and asked to get in the club again. Jesus said, “Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and cast out your name as evil on account of the Son of Man.”

For dinner, they had an authentic Mexican dinner, complete with sour cream and salsa.

Picture of Jesus as a dragon taken on his 14th birthday:



And here he is posing with the pyramid:



They didn't have very good cameras back then so the quality is low and it looks a bit cartoonish.

Of course, he only looks like that to either other dragons or other people who have been in the cave. That's why everyone believed he could do amazing things humans couldn't, like walk on water, fly, or breathe fire.

1. How'd they manage to nail that thing to a cross?

2. Does this make Mary Magdalene a furry?

3. Should church services now say "Fus Ro Dah" instead of "amen?"

@DD
Funny, i had the exact same thought as your number 1 as i first saw that picture. But then again i thought they'd probably simply nail the wings instead of arms on the cross. Or maybe they'd just have knotted the poor guy into a wheel or something. Which would have been not bad i guess, since i think a wheel would make a pretty nice holy smybol.

This reminds me of this cool old disney movie were the king knots the poor snake so he finally stfu. Oh, i love that movie. And i realize we're probaly all gonna burn in hell for heresy or something.

1. By the wings, silly. The crown of thorns hurt like hell (huhuhuh) because it was a human's hat size.

2. I'm not exactly sure what you call a dragon furry, but I imagine Joseph felt like Clive Owen in Children of Men.

3. Yes. That's actually been established for some time now, but TV shows are way too traditional in their depictions of Mass.

Well I guess being a Dragonborn didn't help because on Off-Topic 6 he was defeated by The Macho Man, Randy Savage.

Pfff, that was White Jesus. Everyone knows he's a prick.

Besides, that Dragonborn thing only applies to dragons. Jesus can't kill people the same way - that'd be like Bruce Lee trying to bake a jelly donut with TNT nunchucks.

^ I think he could have pulled that off, but I see your point.

Actually, yeah, bad example.


...


Like Emeril Legasse trying to kick someone's ass by picking up TNT nunchucks and yelling "BAM!"?

Who is Randy Savage? I have no idea what or what that is.


Aww no one answered my last question :(

Wait, that's what you don't understand from all of this?

Ah, dear Valkyrie you have much to learn in this world don't you? The Macho Man Randy Savage wasn't just a man. He was a great man! He was the best man! He was The Man!

HE WAS.......


Bloo, guys may you do the honors please?

THE MAAAAAAACHO MAAAAAN, YEAH! TOWER OF POWER, TOO SWEET TO BE SOWER, SKY'S THE LIMIT AND SPACE IS THE PLACE!


THE CA-REEEEEEEEAM OF THE CROP!


KING OF THE RING! YEAH!


BREATHIN' FIRE! YEAH!


EDIT: SHORT VERSION-If you grew up in America during the 90's, he's that crazy bearded guy in the yellow sunglasses who was yelling at you to snap into a Slim Jim.

I think that pretty much takes care of it.

You can also refer back to Off-Topic Thread 666 and read the first page or so to see how DD pulled a bitch move and countered my rapture with the aforementioned slim jim threat.

Well I was born in 95 so I have some faint memories of The Macho Man but they are great ones. I always thought he was cool.


What the hell? Tiny Lister was a wrestler?!