OFF-TOPIC THREAD 5: LOL WUT?

"Indeed. Santa is real. We are serious."

Smh smh smh. Your serious? Really really really serious? Prove it!

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic"
- Arthur C. Clarke

For starters, it is very likely that the being known variously as "Santa," "Father Christmas," and "Kris Kringle," (among many others) is an immortal being (extradimensional or extraterrestrial seem the most likely origins) Sightings of him date back to certain portrayals of the Norse godhead Odin, and he was probably active before that. With this in mind, many of the supposedly impossible feats performed by Santa become surprisingly plausible.

For example, a great deal of fuss is made over the supposed inability of of one man to deliver gifts to every household on Earth in only a few hours. This stems from the common portrayal of his vehicle as a mere sleigh pulled by flying Reindeer. This is, of course, ridiculous. Santa’s craft, being of extraterrestrial origin, is an incomprehensibly-advanced vehicle capable of superluminal travel. In other words, it occupies every point in the universe simultaneously, and is thus capable of appearing anywhere. Hitting every house on the planet in only a few seconds would be a simple task with such technology.

As for the “Reindeer,” this is simply a case of mistaken identity. Just as Santa himself maintains various humanoid disguises, the creatures (creature?) that power his craft appear as Reindeer (or various other animals) to human eyes. In reality, whatever being operates this craft is not likely native to this dimension. Without the disguise, the mere sight of such a creature would profoundly disturb 3 dimensional beings such as humans.

Another source of controversy is Santa’s contingent of elves (or Krampus, Zwarte Piet, or any of the other “helper” figures) and how they create the various gifts with limited resources. This is easily explained through genetic engineering: these beings are probably biomechanical creatures capable of manipulating advanced nanotechnology in order to create anything they require. These Machine-Elves probably live in a hive-structure similar (though far more advanced) to ants or bees. The ones in charge of building toys are the worker chaste, and the Krampus represent the warrior chaste. One need look no further than the stories of “Mrs. Claus” to find the Queen organism.

Finally, much is made of the workshop in the North Pole (or Denmark, or any of the myriad places it is said to reside.) When one considers the level of technology at Santa’s disposal (perception manipulation, FTL travel, taming 5D organisms, picotechnology, genetically engineering hive-minded “elves”) it is not hard to realize that Santa’s abode lies outside normal space-time. With all this in mind, the truth of Santa’s existence becomes impossible to deny.

And for you wiseasses who want to know “how does he get away with making PS3’s and stuff when that’s copyrighted?” re-read the above essay and think: If you were the CEO of one of these companies, would YOU fuck with that thing?

Here's some photographic proof.

Yet again I ask myself this question;

WHY THE HELL DO I STILL COME HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?


Also get me some brain bleach!

1. You asked.

2. You damn well better have read that entire thing after I took 30 minutes to write it all.

3. You come here because you cannot deny the existence of the legendary "S'ynn-teirr-cl'owss"

Hmm, I and probably everyone else never thought of Santa as highly advanced interdimensonal being. And that photographic evidence is indesbutable. With this evidence Santa is now undeniably real.

I knew it. I've finally gone over the cuckoo's nest! For real this time.

What the hell are you talking about, that was 3 years ago.


Also, has anyone noticed i got the 1000th post in the last OT thread? Fuck yea.

Hey, everybody is allowed to have a bad day, even santa.

Why is it so hard to get the last 3 achievements to finish Reach...UGH!

@ PV2: Trust me, he's seen worse.

Here's the thing about Santa-

I love the fat old bastard, but he's gotta stop sneaking into people's houses like that. It's too predictable, and it leaves him too vulnerable. It'd be too easy for someone to wait by the chimney with a shotgun and end everything.

And from there, it's chloroform, then kidnapping by a cult, and then waking up nailed to a cross while That other guy replaces him.

“What the hell are you talking about, that was 3 years ago.”

^DeathWraith I will have been here for a year in February.


“Also, has anyone noticed i got the 1000th post in the last OT thread? Fuck yea.”

I’m gonna get the 1000th post next time! I got 1001 this time though so yeah.


Oh I took my Predator quiz and here are the results;



I took it twice, the first time around I selected the answers I would have selected and got Unblooded and this time around I selected the questions Harpy would’ve clicked on. Damn I’m good!

If Santa Claus exists then that means that Roc’s, Cerberi, Dragons, Werewolves, Werecats and Harpies exist!

^I got pray last time.

Santa is not real, if her was then I would have gotten Rottweiler when I was six years old instead a Goldfish. That right there told me that Santa was a fucking lie and that my parents got me a Goldfish because my mom thought Rottweilers were dangerous and crazy. This is the main she won't visit me because of the dogs I have.

^See?

OF effin great..i have to work around Stargate alantis people...

"If Santa Claus exists then that means that Roc’s, Cerberi, Dragons, Werewolves, Werecats and Harpies exist!"

You're implying they don't?

"That right there told me that Santa was a fucking lie and that my parents got me a Goldfish because my mom thought Rottweilers were dangerous and crazy"

It's because you threw slushballs at poor little Sally Franklin. Santa saw it and was like "OH, IT'S ON, BITCH" and gave you a goldfish. All is not lost, however. You can turn the fish into a dog by feeding it the ground up bones of an angel. Or cheese. Whichever you have on hand at the time.

http://www.coroflot.com/kaylenek/PROSTHETIC-ARM?school_name=University+of+Washington,+College+of+Built+Environments&

^ It's happening, folks. We are becoming Cthulhu. Rejoice.

Don't make me start the Blobfish argument again. Because I will.

Ok I'm just going to ask;

How many of you are currently residing in an insane asylum?

... implying they let you use the internet at an insane asylum.

Also, the blobfish is not an meme. Get over it.

Someone say something interesting.