Well MY High Elf is called Phedher, named after my World of Warcraft Blood Elf mage, who killed her own twin brother several times, then married him under a disguise, then had a bunch of children with him, ate them to transform into a blood elemental, then killed him again, then got captured by him and got turned into his swords, then fell in love with him and is currently pregnant with a new child whom she doesn't plan on eating this time.

But that's a story for another time.








"I'm the fucking Dragonborn, I beat the shit out of dragons for fun and it's a good thing they respawn, otherwise I'd be out of a job. If you're about to attack me, you might want to consider that I can just yell at you and you'll get splattered on a wall; alternatively, I will bludgeon you to death with this here Mace of Molag Bal..."

"Wait, you have the Mace of Molag Bal?" said Lydia, visibly shocked.

Phedher turned to her companion, bending her arms at the hip, palms facing up as if to say "what the fuck are you doing", which was exactly what she was thinking.

"You... you made a deal with a Daedric Prince?"

"Are you high?" The Dragonborn leaned in to check her fellow's pupils, but then she realized it was no use, for she seemed terrified out of her mind at the idea of wielding such an unholy artefact. "It's just a fucking mace, Lydia, get over it, it's not like I eat children or something, Jesus Christ."

"W-what..."

"Yeah, anyway, what was I saying?"

The sweaty Nord at the top was keeping up his toothless, dumb, annoying grin.

"I think you were about to give us all of your money and get on your knees so we can carve your pretty little neck, Dragonborn!" The last word was uttered in an exaggerated tone, meant to mock her, Phedher thought. The other bandits laughed at their leader's jest, while playing with their rusty blades to show them off. Most of the swords looked ready to break if one were to so much as step on them by accident and all the daggers were right blunt. This was no challenge.

"Look, I don't wanna slaughter you..."

"Ha ha ha ha ha, slaughter us? Lady, you can barely stand up by the looks of it." It was true. Daylight was seeping deep into her flesh, burning her at the core. "You're funny, aren't you? Not too bad looking, either. I'll make you a deal. You drop all your weapons and armour right now and we only kill your friend... and I keep you for entertainment."

The Nord's mouth burst into a shower of spit with every word he spoke and she could feel it dropping on her yellow skin. She let her head hang forward for two seconds and shook it left and right. "Whatever..." she whispered and immediately charged the bandits that were at the base of the half-collapsed stone tower, all the while shouting "I TRIED, LYDIA! YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T TRY!" The first two took three hits each to die and their blades broke her skin deep enough that blood flew out of her. The rest weren't so lucky. Once she was in the shade, she swatted them like flies before they could even feel the blow of her weapons. She scaled the stairs up to the top, where the toothless Nord looked just about ready to shit himself.

"Spare me, spare me..." he muttered, his sword trembling in front of his face, until he saw it and dropped it to the ground like it were some sort of slithering venomous critter aiming to pierce his veins and end him. She grabbed her mighty, dark bow and pulled back as far as her arm could pull, a black arrow with gray feathers at the fletchings and the tip coated in dried up blood, pointing it straight to his left eye. "Look, I dropped it, I dropped it! Spare me, I was going to spare you, right!? I was going to spare you! Have pity..."

She rose her arm, letting the arrow fly straight up. She took off her helmet to reveal her once beautiful Altmer face, now starved and tired looking.

"Thank The Eight..." sighed the toothless Nord.

She began to unwrap her armour, leaving herself covered in no more than rugs.

The stupid grin returned to his mouth.

"Well, well, it seems The Eight truly favour me today. A moment ago you were about to pierce my skull and now you want me to pierce you, ay? Can't say no to..." But his words were cut short.

There was a thunder in the distance and suddenly the day got dark. He looked up to the sun, but couldn't find it. He looked back down and neither could he find the pretty Altmer girl. In her place stood a tall, blue beast, with the face and wings of a bat and claws as long and sharp as an ebony dagger. She merely gestured with her hand and the Nord's blood quickly came streaming out of him to feed her.






"Hey! Hey, Lydia! What are you looking at?" Phedher said calmly, snapping her fingers next to her housecarl's ear. She gazed into her elven eyes for just a second before turning to look back at the blackened sun that had engulfed the skies in rays of crimson darkness.

"The... the..."

"Yeah. OK. Look, you seem a little tired, maybe you just spent too much time in the sun or something, so why don't you head back home! I can brave the wilds on my own for a while." The thought seem to wash off some of the dismay as Lydia looked back at the Dragonborn, not yet free of confusion. "Come on, help me put my armour back on." she said as she walked near the tower to sit down.

"Huh? Why'd you take it off?"

"It was getting too tight. After we're done with that, just gather up all the swords that still look like they can cut bread and take 'em with you, put 'em in the box upstairs."

"I, uh... I am sworn to..."

"... to carry my burdens, yeah, I know, you don't have to say it every time, Jesus Christ..."

"What is that?"

"What?"

"That thing you keep saying... Jesus Christ?"

"Oh, it's some guy from another world, I'm just breaking the fourth wall, don't worry about it."

"The fourth... Right... I think you're the one who's spent too much time in the sun!"

"You have no idea..."

I'm not reading that ^

But I would read the abridged version.

To be perfectly honest, tawg, my friend, the intended audience is mostly composed of people who are capable of following the old RPG rules of not shitting it up with extremely short posts, not you. No hard feelings (except in my dick).

But it's so big.

Tawg, the fuck? Read it. It's good shit.

Yes that's because it's erect.

My Orc's name is Jackie Chan and he jacks it 'cause he can. He's the leader of the Chokey Chicken.

@Tawg: Please read that. Everyone please read that.

@DH: Eva 1? Like, Unit 00?

If you're talking about Unit 00 and the one time it went berserk, then it couldn't have caused an Impact because an Eva can only start Instrumentality when it has a soul AND an S2 Engine/Fruit of Life. Unit 00 didn't have an S2 Engine. There was a chance it could have just blown up like Unit 04 did, but if I remember right, Unit 04 only exploded because they tried putting an S2 Engine on it. An S2 Engine wasn't involved in Unit 00's incident at all, so there was no chance of an Impact. (It's also never specifically said who's soul is in Unit 00, so that Eva could probably be the least capable of kickstarting an Impact.)

As for the creation of Rei, I'm not exactly sure why. Rei's a vessel for Lilith the same way Kaworu is for Adam, and I know Kaworu's birth had something to do with Second Impact (I think it was even the cause of it, if I'm not mixing up Kaworu's birth with the Contact Experiment or whatever it was called), but I don't think Rei was made in exactly the same way Kaworu was (I'm not 100% sure).

Robin Williams died. I'm going to go cry now.

fuck... I think I'm going to cry too.

Right there with ya guys too

*hugs Tawganator and skull-ripper*

I red that news and was just like "Well, of course he did."

It's horrible that I've reached that point, but there it is. Genie is dead. Mork is dead. Mrs. Doubtfire is dead. Jesus Fuck.

Damn...I'm at a loss for words on this one guys, all I can say is that he was one of the goddamn best.

God fucking damnit

just

god fucking damnit

Seriously

A great actor, one of my favourites behind Bill Murray and Harold Ramis

like
i am in tears

his movies were some of the things that kept me sane through my paren't divorce

and bicentennial man was beautiful

and flubber, the movie that mad eme laugh my ass off

And it just gets me, right there

All I can imagine is "O Captain! My Captain!"

and jesus christ

I may be atheist, but I can imagine him looking down on us, saying. "Welp, that was all the damage I could do down there, time to blow this Popsicle stand." And then going on to be god's personal comedian.

I just have a few more words.

"You're free Genie."

@everyone: I'm sure the whole world is mourning the loss of one of hollywoods greatest actors... I will as well.

@Skull_Ripper: Hilarious story.

@DW: i enjoyed your whole fan fictionesque RPG style story, we need to hear more of those. XD, An official topic for skyrim stories. Just for those select few who Play skyrim *Points to everyone but Tawg*


@Tawg: I'm disappointed that you don't play Skyrim, you of all people I mean come on... That game is INSANE!


Edit: Ok, I finished my first edition of TALES OF SKYRIM! see below :D


It was morning in Skyrim, the 4 of First Seed actually, when the adventurer came into the inn. I recall him wearing Black armor with red accents. Possibly daedric? Anyways he came through Rorikstead on a beautiful appaloosa horse, accompanied by a woman, she looked youthful. “Hello.” I’d call out to the adventurer as he trotted past me, he looked down on me, the holes that were to show his eyes showed nothing but black as he stared at me. The helmet made me fear him, until he spoke, “Hello.” he replied flatly as his horse stamped its feet on the cobblestone walk. “Where could I get an ale here?” He questioned me. I naturally replied “Down the road, it is called Frostfruit inn.” I told him, pointing towards the large wooden building, the adventurer squeezed the sides of his horse, easing him along about 40 feet down the path. I looked at him as he dismounted, he looked back at me and nodded before walking into the bar, I thought for a moment before following him into the inn, as I walked through the door many different smells went through my nose, cooked venison, mead, and puke. The regular smells of an Inn. I looked around, trying to spot the mysterious man. And I found him sitting with his back to the door, sitting at a table with the other woman, “Hello, sir. Can I buy you an ale?” I questioned the armored man as I sat down near him, he turned and took off his helmet, revealing his face, it was young, and his hair was red and long, with a single braid running through it. He seemed to only have one eye, something or someone had scarred it leaving it blind, and he finally had blue war paint underneath his eyes. He put the helmet down on the table and again spoke. “Alright.” he said flatly. “Names Nolaf, by the way” The adventurer said.

A FEW HOURS LATER
The table was littered with different brands of ale and mead, Honeybrew being the choice of most of the people in Rorikstead. The adventurers words were slurred, “I- had a great time here… You know how to be a friend.” Nolaf had said “I *Hic* must be going though.” Nolaf said stumbling out of the bar. I then heard it, a scream… I had wondered what was going on so I checked outside to see what was going on, then I saw it. A giant had grabbed one of the cattle in his hand, knocking aside any guard that dare get in his path. Nolaf looked at the giant and drew his bow. From the looks of it, it was an ancient elven bow. He swiftly and quickly as if a liquid shot the giants knees and drew his sword sprinting towards it and jumping on the kneeling colossal man, the giant grabbed him and threw him against the nearest building, and he hit the wall, crashing through it. He got up and shook his head. Looking at the giant, he loosed another arrow, putting it right in between the giant’s eyes. It collapsed, dropping the cow. He sighed, “I must be going now.” he said to me. “But before I do, I wanted to give you this.” He said to me. Giving me a small pouchful of coins, “This should cover the drinks.” he said before mounting his horse and riding off continuing down the roads.


This has been the Trans credible exploits of Nolaf the Nord. Stay tuned for more TALES OF SKYRIM!

Why I don't play Skyrim: 10 year old laptop and not enough money to burn on entertainment apart from paying for extra internet to watch a few YouTube videos each day.

While we all cry, I'll talk to Bloo.


Srry, it was 13 hr drive I meant unit 01.

Like when it ate the S2 drive

it was literally a god

also I answered my own question lol because I remembered that Eva unit 01 isn't ADAM, its a LILLITH, so contact with shiji's mom wouldn't have produced a case of having both Fruits.

But Eva 01 swallowing a S2 drive should have because it already had a fruit of knowledge.

Oh god tawg, you should set aside a savings for a new laptop/playstation for skyrim. That game is the shit.

@BA: Well, I don't play Skyrim either, but that's because I'm scared it's going to take over my life like Fallout 3 did. Seriously, I stopped talking to everyone I knew the month I started it, it was pretty bad.

@DH: Oh yeah, Unit 01 definitely had the ability to start another Impact at that point, but the act of eating the S2 Engine wouldn't be the trigger (because it doesn't happen right away). An Impact can start anytime after the Eva obtains both Fruits. In the original show, Unit 01 didn't trigger Third Impact until EoE, which was a long time after it ate an S2 Engine.

In Rebuild, it happened a lot quicker than that, but it still wasn't instant. So, having both Fruits doesn't automatically trigger it.

Rebuild also makes it a lot clearer when an Impact is happening. EoE kind of just made it look like crazy stuff was going on.

TL;DR Unit 01 definitely DID trigger Third Impact, it just didn't happen instantly.

AH, that explains alot.

I'm still confused how Eva 01 looks like all the other Eva's even though its literally made out of Lillith's legs.

For the first time in my life i think the music has died.

When i would get sad before i feel like i'd poke at where happiness was and just check it was there.

Right now there's nothing there.