MY SKULL: THE REDEEMING OF THE RECKONING

The Death Wraith slithers inside the walls between worlds. He coils around the empty spaces where pain is replaced with death. He stretches for millennia. Before him planets turn to dust and stars turn to nabulae.

Something is wrong. Something is missing from his pockets. He ruptures time and slides inside it so as to fall along its length. The skull. It is a queen's skull. It is completely useless.

The Death Wraith takes the form of a condom salesman and tries to entice Deathdrop with his wares. "Look at this one mate it's a wonder of technology I tell ya, you can try it on if you like!"

Before Deathdrop can answer, the Death Wraith pulls the condom over his head and takes the skull. He runs to the nearest tree and hides among the branches.

DD out for 1.

MY SKULL!

Meanwhile, a lonely human walked through the forest and the trees, stopping every once in a while to admire the beauty of the trees and plants around him.

Suddenly, his eyes saw something in the canopy of a pine. Something so lovely, something so pretty, that he just couldn't take his eyes off that... alien queen skull. His sights were stuck, like when you don't put butter or oil to the pan, and you can't take your egg afterwards. Like that.

"The skull must be mine..." The redhead said, as he grabbed ahold of a nearby axe, probably of a lumberjack which had been very careless. Taking aim, he throwed the weapon, which cut the branch in where the Death Wraith was sitting on, making him fall down in a rather dumb way, landing on his head.

The human runs to the fallen Death Wraith and takes the skull from his hands. "That was because you were selling your products without a license!" Like a maniac, he starts running away with the skull, holding it like a baby.

DW out for 1.

MY SKULL!

Christopher Columbus was a twat. He did not discover America, he discovered the Bahamas, and he didn't even do that because you can't "discover" a place where people already live. He also did not prove the Earth was round; people knew that shit. He took a bunch of slaves and raped little girls. Fuck him. He was a piece of shit, and is undeserving of a holiday.

It was Boorlak the Mug, International Platypus of Mystery, who discovered both the location of this continent and the true shape of the Earth in a single mission. He discovered that the Earth was a giant wrestling ring with gargantuan ring posts at every corner. You ever seen that show G Gundam? That show stole this story before I even told it, that's how crafty they were.

Boorlak discovered one of these posts, and took an etching of the inscriptions on them to be translated by the Hammerhead Elves of The Secret Church. They told of a professional wrestling technique handed down from the gods themselves, to be used only in the most dire of emergencies: THE FLYING CLOTHESLINE O' PAIN.

In his later years, Boorlak journeyed to the Jovian Floating Gardens to be taught the fabled flying clothesline by the legendary Zen Brawlers. He mastered it with time, and later traded the secret to some weird dreadlock-wearing aliens for cab fare and a bag of skittles. These were Deathdrop's ancestors, and they passed the move down from generation to generation until...

Deathdrop had blown into the condom wrapped around his head, inflating it to many times its original size (whoever made it wasn't fucking around...) and carrying him through the clouds to the rings posts in the sky. Swinging from dick sheathe balloon to ring ropes, Deathdrop rebounded off the ropes with all the righteous fury of a thousand coked-up warthogs and rebounded back into the atmosphere, and toward the human cradling the skull.

"TAKE THIS! MY JAMS, MY BRAIN, AND ALL OF MY VELCRO! SHIIIINIIIIIIIIIINGG ELBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!!!"

I can't accurately describe how cool the impact was (you just sort of had to be there), so this sound effect will have to do:

"WHAKA-THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!"

GOOD GAWD ALMIGHTY! AS GOD AS MAH WITNESS, HE JUST TOOK THE POOR BASTARD'S HEAD OFF!

Deathdrop then did some real pimp-ass shit, putting out his hand and catching the skull without looking. It was pretty keen, overall.

MY SKULL!

It was a really nice day. Blue sky, snow white clouds, busy bees buzzing around, that kind of day.
But all of a sudden, the harmony was disrupted by something which appeard to be some sort of comet, accompanied by weird noises similar to the mad tirades of a true maniac, striking into a near forest.

Mebber was on a holiday trip across the country, enjoying to pollute the clean rural air with his miraculously still functioning 50-years old VW Beetle, as he witnessed this strange event from afar. Since his last bottle of booze was empty anyway, he decided to investigate what happened and entered the little forest with high speed.

Whether it was because he was drunk, or because the brakes of his car were broken for some years anyway, but Mebber failed to slow down in time and dashed over the bank of the crater left behind by the impact of the comet, followed by a short flight through the air before his car touched the ground again.

Mebber exited his car, but to his surprise, there was no comet to be found, although he could hear some sort of angry mumble from below his car. But then he saw it - there was something in the dirt, something Mebber thought he had lost forever, it was...

MY SKULL!

Mebber grabs the skull and drives away.

DarkLioness was leisurely strolling down the road looking for a ride to Las Vegas, even though she was in the middle of the desert in Mexico. But she was confident that she could get a ride out here, even though she had blood on her. Not that this means she totally mauled someone and buried them in a shallow grave near some cacti. Hehe, yeah she'd never do something so horrible like that. Tail swishing in the wind DarkLioness heard the rumble of the engine of a VW and casually stuck her thumb out as the vehicle came into view. The car stopped and the door opened as the driver wordlessly waved her in. DarkLioness smiled sweetly and got in the car without and word and leaned back in the seat. The driver went on for a few miles without a word until he turned to look at his silent passenger, Only to black out two seconds later before he could utter a single word.

Mebber wakes up two days later in the cargo hold of a plane on it's way to the Amazon. stapled to his head is a note that reads:

"Don't bother looking for it."

DL

All the unfortunate Mebber could do is lean back and suffer his flight to a remote landing strip in the Amazon and weep over the loss of hi coveted prize. And wonder where his car was.

My Skull!

Mebber out for 2.

DW woke up in a hole. Not the dark, moist kind either. It was like a crater of some sort and it was very bright and dry. At least it was warm. There was a very distinct ringing in his ears. Something like church bells on fast forward. Ah yes, it was the sound of someone doing something he didn't like.


The road in front of DarkLioness turned black and suddenly it was night. Black eyes opened in the darkness and whispered "It's not very nice, what you did there - controlling someone else's character in your own post. You know that I'm going to do it to you in an exaggerated manner, just so you can see how unpleasant it is, right?"

"I... I don't know..." she answered. She didn't know because she had been born in Florida in 1973. There were no RPGs back then. Her mother had taught her to always be serious about things, so she was. One of her favourite hobbies was to not laugh at comedies. Whenever she watched a comedy with her friends, she would make it her business to explain to them why each funny situation was implausible in a real life scenario. That was until she turned 13 and her boyfriend died in a train wreck. Her first thought had been that she would die a virgin, but she misspelled it as "dye" in her mind, so she went ahead and dyed the first virgin she met a very bright shade of green.

After she realized how funny the entire situation was, she could not stop laughing for a week. In fact, her vocal folds atrophied to the point where she could not even speak anymore and her laughter now sounded like a choking Corgi.

Remembering the good times made her smile and shed a single tear. But the she also remembered that she as afraid of the dark and promptly defecated. It didn't smell as bad as she had expected. She took the skull and started hitting herself over the head going "DURP!" with each hit. This was her way to calm down. She had learned it from a shaman in 1992 when she was traveling through the Korean peninsula, begging for food.

"I'm sorry," she said, "you're absolutely right. Look, take this, it's the least I can do." She stuffed the skull into one of the eyes in the darkness. DW went "ow".

Then DL proceeded to bury herself in the sand. She woke up 70,000 years later, wearing a bikini and thinking about bestiality porn.

DL out for 3.

MY SKULL!

Bad apple looked at the spectacle going on before him. And he proceeded to talk to Slenderman, whom was nearby. And after a small bribe of fifty dollars, Slender grabbed DeathWraith and DW dropped the skull on the ground where Bad apple grabbed it and ran off into the nearby bushes.


DW Out for 2, mainly cause SLENDER RAPE!


MY SKULL!

*Bloo emerges from the very same Xenomorph Hive that Deathdrop climbed out of 70,000 years ago. It took him 69,999 years to wake up from his decapitation. As you might have guessed, it's Bloo's skull that's going around. He is headless. Bloo is literally giving head to every single person that touches the skull. This thread couldn't have been gayer even if one of us fucked a rainbow in the ass and called it "Daddy."

As Bloo, the headless Queen, uses his tablet to search for his head, he stumbles across Badapple, who is a douchebag for being friends with Slenderman.

With the power of friendship, which Bloo has pulled out of his ENTIRE ass, Bloo sends Badapple to JAIL for ONE POST.*

MY SKULL

While Bloo sent Badapple to jail, a lonely human and an elder Predator laid in a hole. The redhead was there because the Pred had made an incredibly good movement, that he had learned from his ancestors. And then the elder was crushed by a car. And the human had been too.

However, when everything seemed dire, a litte head peeked through the crater. The small woman went closer, and using her magic wand, revived the human. Yep. She was a fairy. The fairy also tried using her powers over the Predator, as she did not had any prejudices against aliens. However, her powers were only limited to humans, so her magic did not had any effects over the Death Drop. She didn't worry, though, as she was sure the Predator was going to be allright. He looked like a tough guy.

So, she concentrated her attention the the human, and promptly, the human was cured, after being made almost pulp. He held his head with his hand, and stood up.

"Hero! You must reach the SKULL! Before it is too late!" The fairy said, as she releaved himself in front of Edgar. The human blinked several times, not believing his eyes. The fairy just sighed, having experienced this many times before, and looked at her watch...

"YES I AM REAL! STOP STARING AT ME LIKE IF YOU HAD SEEN A GHOST! WHICH ARE ALSO REAL BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT NOW!" The fairy shouted, making Edgar snap back into the real world. "Ah... sorry." She accomodated her hair, taking the bangs out of her face. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't meant to lose control like that... heh..." She cleared her throat, and then continued. "Well, as I was saying, you need to recover the SKULL!" The fairy, using her arcane powers, opened a portal, and a really awesome motorcycle crossed through it.

"WOW!" The human exclaimed, as he almost jumped over the motorcycle and started the engines. The fairy smiled. "Just be careful, hero. I use that motorcycle often. Try to return it as safe as you can..."

"Why do you have a motorcycle, anyways?" Edgar asked the fairy, as she looked at her.

The fairy smiled. "Well, I get tired from all flying, and besides, I like picking up dates on that."

"Oh! I didn't knew fairies had dates." Edgar said, with a smile. "They do... it's kind of complicated." The fairy said, as she looked at her wand.

"Thank you, miss." The redhead said, as he drove as fast as he could, to Bloo's position. "Go on, brave hero." The fairy said, as she blowed him a kiss, and then ascended to the skies, to keep track of him.

As Bloo tried to glue her head on with the Industrial Glue-2000, for the people who want to kill their neurons as fast as possible, the human suddenly appeared, and using a rock as ramp, he took the SKULL that Bloo had, leaving the Queen with a cloud of smoke as he kept going.

MY SKULL!

DW kissed Slendy goodnight and went to check his phone. He went to avpuniverse.com to check the My Skull thread for any replies and what he saw was the most grammatically amazing post he had ever witnessed. The writer held a mastery over genders equal to that of a Hungarian warlord. He shed tears at its beauty.

AHA! But now he had the advantage of knowing what was going to happen, so he came up with a plan. He went 8000 years into the past and gathered up all the yellow flowers he could find in North Dakota. He then placed them in a circle and sacrificed a goat so as to summon a succubus, with whom he made love for weeks without pause. Eventually she became pregnant with his child, but he insisted that she get an abortion, because he was not about to pay child support.

This angered the demon and she cursed him with a curse that for 5000 years all his children would be midgets. Just as planned.

DW then spent the next two weeks communing with the geese of the realm so that he became their leader. When the child was born, it was born a midget. But it still had the wings of a demon. He snatched the baby from the arms of the crying demon and boarded the first interstate flight. He coated the midget baby's wings in glue and summoned the geese for a test of their faith. He decreed that whichever geese would not die for his glory into the engines of the airplane would be exiled to Canada. Many left, but just enough were loyal. DW threw his baby through the window and into the now feathered engines so that its wings became strewn with goose feathers and pieces of glittery glass. They looked a lot like dragonfly wings, but not really. Like, maybe if you just got hit in the head by a meteor or something.

He then turned into a motorcycle and proceeded to raise the child to be into redheads. Many a sexy time was had on DW's back by his child and people with a demon midget fetish; he also had to abstain from banging anyone for fear of creating even more short people. But the wait was worth it. Modern times came and the curse ended, so DW moved to Great Britain, where he went on to bang all sorts of sexy wizards and was even adopted into a rather prestigious family. Eventually, the head of the family died and his wand was left to DW as part of the heritage. Naturally, DW staged his own death and left the wand to his child, who had been wrongly identified by the people of Scotland as a fairy.

One fine evening they were sitting together by the campfire, browsing the Internet, when DW just "happened" to check the My Skull thread on avpuniverse.com while the his fairy demon midget spawn was looking over his shoulder at the screen. As soon as he noticed the 4th post, it exclaimed "ON, NO, DADDY! A REDHEAD IN TROUBLE! WE HAVE TO HELP!" and promptly teleported. Surely enough, shortly thereafter a portal opened and DW appeared between the new skull bearer's legs in the form of a motorcycle.

The wait had indeed been worth it. The skull was in his back pocket. He was a motorcycle.


MY SKULL!

Bad apple broke free from the prison, stole an Ipod and put $500 dollars of 80's rock on it. He leapt on the nearest flying eagle and turned on More than a feelin, by boston. The eagle screeched as it dive bombed Deathwraith. Quickly grabbing the owner of the skull, he grabbed the skull quickly, dropping th Motorcycle on it's ass.


Firstly, my skull

Secondly, out for 1 post

^ this game is actually more fun if you read other people's posts. the moar you know

Dafuq, how am I supposed to make ANY form of sense of that unless I'm using cocaine :I

Krio hires a bunch of millitary douche bags to road block Badapple, and then grabs a beer as he smashes his head with it! Yeah, that oughta hurt the hell out of him. Krio had a special plan to unallow badapple to chase him too! He grabbed the skull, and as badapple opened his eyes, there was a hooker twerking for him.

MY SKULZ FOR REALZ FUGGAZ!